


Sock It To Ya

by revenblue



Series: [series] Tonight Is For Our Ghosts [3]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Canon-Typical Crack, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, OWCA agent Candace, POV Third Person Omniscient, Perry's dead and they talk about it, vampire clothes dryers that drink your left socks with orange juice, while thwarting my OC's scheme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21814624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: "Let's get one thing straight. I don't like you. And I'm pretty sure you don't like me. ButPerrytrusted both of us. Let's make him proud, okay?"
Series: [series] Tonight Is For Our Ghosts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1216074
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	Sock It To Ya

**Author's Note:**

> I've been thinking about this one for a while. Wrapping up the Booter story, introducing you all to one of my favourite OCs...
> 
> I hope you peeps enjoy! :D

Candace, or rather, Agent M, pulled up to the location in an older car she'd paid for herself out of her OWCA paycheck. Not far away, an unpleasantly familiar van rested.

This was, of course, Agent O, better known as Heinz Doofenshmirtz (or, to her, Vanessa's dad), who'd settled against a lamppost to wait.

"Perry the Teenage Girl?" Heinz asked hopefully. At Candace's frown, he deflated back to his usual slouch. "Nice of you to finally _show up_. You were at the _thing_ yesterday, weren't you?" He pushed himself off the lamppost, walking over to her, and pointed at the small run-down house across the road. "That's where we're going. Not much of an evil lab, but I've seen worse."

"Have you now."

"I used to be an evil scientist! In LOVEMUFFIN! Do you _know_ how many evil labs I've seen? Because it's a lot, let me tell you."

The two of them didn't particularly get along, approaching their job from vastly different backgrounds. Heinz had been on the other side of the line, years back, and had a lot of opinions as to how evil science _should_ be done. Candace, meanwhile, had channelled her older-sister-ness and urge to bust her brothers into her job, protecting her city (and, most importantly, her brothers) from any threat, no matter how small.

Candace pinched the bridge of her noise. "Let's get one thing straight," she said, in a tone that allowed no arguments. "I don't like you. And I'm pretty sure you don't like me." Working in the same field had only magnified the unwanted similarities between them. "But _Perry_ trusted both of us. Let's make him proud, okay? For Perry."

With a huff, Heinz backed down. "For Perry the Platypus," he echoed. "So, are we going to go in or what?"

* * *

What they found inside was, naturally, a trap. One they'd both expected, Candace with a sense of resignation, Heinz from his time spent planning traps for his nemesis. Dangling from their ankles in what looked like a laundry room, they exchanged a glance of mutual exasperation.

"You fools!" boomed a deep voice. "How dare you enter my lair!"

"Rhyming?" Heinz asked, all trace of irritation forgotten, while Candace looked around for the source of the voice. "I don't know if you're doing it _deliberately_ , but it's a nice touch."

Candace, finding nothing in the nearly empty room, cursed under her breath. "There's no one here."

As if to prove her wrong (or rather, for that exact reason), a left sock in one of the piles of clothing shifted, stretching, showing off his flame print and purple highlights.

Heinz whistled. "Dramatic reveal, impressive."

"My name is Lord Sockington," the sock declared, rising to his full length. "And I have declared war on the device you _humans_ call a clothes dryer."

Candace, in her freshly laundered and dried OWCA uniform that had been in a clothes dryer not two hours earlier, scoffed at this. " _That's_ your scheme? Clothes dryers? Don't make me laugh-"

Shushing her, Heinz whispered, "We're going to get a monologue, I'm sure of it. A good one."

Ignoring their commentary, Lord Sockington (or, as his family called him, Dimple) paced across the room in front of them. "Do you understand what is at stake here? For my entire existence, I have lived in fear of vampires. They hunt me always, day and night, without need for rest. No matter where I go, how many precautions I take, they will always find me eventually. Therefore, it is but a matter of urgency that I destroy them all."

"Vampire clothes dryers again, ugh," Heinz muttered. "Well, at least it's better than fighting them."

Candace twisted in place, blood rushing to her head. "Why did I agree to do this anyway? Oh wait, it was because Monogram was trying to send _Perry_."

All thoughts of thwarting gone, Heinz turned to face her, horrified. "He _what_?"

" **Ahem.** "

"Whoops, didn't mean to interrupt your monologue," Heinz said in what could only barely be classified as an apology, turning back to Lord Sockington. "Carry on."

"Lord Sockington does not need your permission, _agent_."

Heinz shrugged, well-practised at hanging upside down, mostly as a result of an unfortunate tendency towards walking into his own traps. "I'm just _saying_ , so you know we're not going to interrupt you again."

Though lacking eyes, Lord Sockington's glare was palpable, and Heinz gulped.

"As I was saying before I was so _rudely_ interrupted," Lord Sockington continued, pointedly, "the vampires draw ever closer. It is thus up to me to lure them out and destroy them, once and for all. Both the overt and the hidden vampire, and all they hide amongst. It is the only way."

Candace, tired of hanging around, reached up and sawed through the rope, dropping lightly to her feet.

"And your _inator_?" Heinz, trying and failing to free himself, prompted, a question that despite referring to one sole evil scientist's devices was always understood as intended.

"Will locate and disintegrate any clothes dryers it finds in a hundred mile radius," Lord Sockington explained, too focused on his scheme to notice Candace circling around to flank him, "leaving their victims safe in a pile where the vampires once stood. Still wet, but unharmed."

It was at that moment, assured of the _intention_ of safety of anyone and anything not a clothes dryer, Candace tackled Lord Sockington to the floor.

"Unhand me, you ruffian!"

Heinz took this opportunity to successfully untie the rope at last, land unsteadily on his feet (retaining his balance only from years of long practice at falling), and investigate the centrepiece of Lord Sockington's scheme.

It stood as tall as a fridge, built in the shape of Lord Sockington himself, dented and twisted scrap metal sticking out in multiple places, stripped wires protruding through every crack. Inelegant, Heinz would describe it as, if asked. Beginner's work. Instead, as he was _not_ asked, he ran a hand over the side until he found a panel edge. Prying it open, he inspected the device's function, tracing the wiring through the myriad circuits, worry growing as everything clicked into place in his mind.

Across the room, Candace was in the process of discovering her agent training had not prepared her for fighting a sock. Especially a squirmy and metaphorically slippery sock like Lord Sockington.

For one thing, he had no nerves to overload with pain, nor sturdy bones to hold his posture, and thus could bend easily with her blows. For another, he'd fought humans far more often than most humans (even OWCA agents) had encountered a left sock such as him.

Wrapping himself across her eyes, he spoke in her ear while she tried to claw him off. "It is what must be done. You cannot defeat me."

The more Heinz discovered of the wiring of the device, the more worried he grew. Sure, it had been designed as a vampire clothes dryer destroyer, but _inelegant_ technique deep in the circuitry had led to wires getting crossed, rigging it to explode if anyone so much as sneezed the wrong way. And not a small explosion, either.

Fortunately, he'd had much experience with explosions. Reaching into his pocket for the set of tools he carried with him at all times, tools he'd learned were vital to his success on many a previous occasion, he set to work. If anyone could fix Lord Sockington's device, it was him.

Candace, finally grasping Lord Sockington's hem, wrenched him away and slammed him to the floor, pinning him in place with one knee. "What will it take to get you to stop?"

"I will never stop,against" Lord Sockington hissed, "not while there are yet vampires left in existence."

"Wrong answer."

Heinz, meanwhile, had nearly finished his adjustments, drastically limiting the range of both the effect and the blast radius. There was something about first-time inators, he'd come to realise over the course of his work with OWCA. They always lacked for _something_. Proper workmanship, usually, the kind that came from experience, another thing these beginners sorely lacked. Not that that was any excuse for nearly blowing the entire Tri-State Area sky-high.

_He_ for one had never been that much of a threat to the safety of passers-by. Or to his nemesis, for that matter. In fact, he'd always made sure Perry was able to stop him, one way or another. That was what nemeses _did_. And it was _this_ that drove him so strongly to fix Lord Sockington's device.

That, and its targeting of washing machines instead.

Also thinking of Perry was Candace. The way he'd put his all into every fight, taking down even the toughest and slipperiest opponents. She wished, with all her heart, that he'd survived long enough to teach her everything he knew.

Alas, he hadn't. Their job was a dangerous one, claiming the lives of many an agent over the years, of which Perry had merely been the latest.

It would be through Heinz's efforts that the two of them wouldn't join that list today.

Slipping through Candace's grasp despite her efforts once again, Lord Sockington raced to his device. The fire button stood out against the rest of it, bright red against the grey or rusting metal, calibrated to work at the slightest touch so even he could use it.

Heinz hadn't repaired the device to the point of disconnecting the self-destruct sequence from the firing mechanism, so it thus blew up in a puff of smoke, leaving everything around it covered in a fine layer of soot. In the next house over, the one clothes dryer within range also disappeared that same instant.

Luckily for Lord Sockington, this was the one vampire clothes dryer that had stalked him throughout his life. _Un_ luckily, the initial state of his device required he be arrested for his crimes regardless.

* * *

As OWCA's elite taskforce carried Lord Sockington away, in a convenient nearby laundry bag, Candace leaned against the door frame. "I've seen enough socks to last me a _lifetime_ ," she groaned, running a hand over her face. "And... thanks. I don't know what you did back there, but I'm _pretty_ sure you just saved my life."

"You were the one keeping him distracted while I fixed his inator, I should be thanking _you_." Sliding the last of his tools back into place, Heinz stood, joining her. "So... thanks. You did great in there. I can see why Perry the Platypus was always so proud of you. He- All I had to do was mention you, or your, ah, brothers? And his whole face would light up. Then I'd get so _guilty_ about keeping him from you, and-"

"He cares about you too," she interrupted gently, then realised her words and grimaced. "Cared. I keep forgetting he's... you know..."

"Gone?" Heinz finished, a frown tugging at his lips at the reminder. "I mean, no one lives _forever_ , but it really felt like _he_ could have, huh? Felt like he'd always been there, always _would_ be, like a constant, and I- He was easy to _rely_ on, is what I'm trying to say."

Candace looked down and said, almost to herself, "I guess that's why Major Monogram wanted to-"

"-Send _him_ ," Heinz growled through gritted teeth, closer to an Evil relapse than he'd been in years. "I was _hoping_ I'd misheard you, you know."

"Don't blame _me_ , blame _them_. The jerks at the top. All _I_ did was tell them it wasn't happening." Her voice softened. "He's in a better place now. With my brothers, probably."

Deflating, Heinz rubbed the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. "Do you think he'll visit me?" he asked eventually, the insecurities he'd only really shared with Perry coming back in full force. "Not that I'm _expecting_ him to, he can do what he wants, it's just-"

She touched his shoulder in sympathy.

Silence fell between them, a comfortable silence, until she asked the question that had been on her mind for a good long while. "Was that-" She gestured through the doorway. "-really what it was like? Your fights with Perry."

"That?" Heinz scoffed. "No, _that_ was amateur stuff. _Our_ fights were so much better. We had a routine with them and everything. Didn't stop when I became a Good Guy either, he still came around sometimes and we'd fight, like old times." He sighed, looking up at the clouds scrolling slowly by. "I miss him already."

"I know what you mean." She glanced away at the admission, shame pulling at her lips. "I was never on the best terms with him, _probably_ my fault, but he was _family_. It's going to be weird not having him around any more."

"I'll say." He idly tapped his fingers against the wall, brow furrowed in thought. "Hey, uh, Candace, was it? You should tell me more about him sometime. I always wondered what he was like when he _wasn't_ destroying my inators, or kicking my door down, or crashing through my _walls_ , or punching me in the face. Or thwarting someone else."

"Only if you tell me more about what he was like with you," she countered, smiling properly for the first time since she'd heard the news. "I never worked with him, not the way you did. There's so much I must have missed."

Heinz, too, grinned, a weight lifting off his chest. "You have a deal."

And so two grieving souls found each other, and, together, looked to the future. A future where their friend may have passed on but his legacy remained. The two of them, and everyone else whose life he'd touched, would carry him in their hearts.

In a way, he'd live with them still, for no one truly died while they were still remembered.

**Author's Note:**

> He's still dead tho.


End file.
